Fourth week of confinement. I'm safe. I feel virtual.
While the clouds were playing up there, I lost myself into the three dimensions of my life project: "Time. Space. Silence." Had they grew? Are they stronger than ever?
Time is passing. Relentless dictator. No change. The same law as always: one moment after another, then another, then another. I am the master of my time. The pace of time depends on me, on my capacity to go deep and intense into each moment. When all days look the same, when my space is so limited, I struggle to be in the moment. Rather, I'd prefer time to go faster. I'd prefer not to be aware. I'm dreaming of the day I'll be out there, hoping that will happen sooner than later. It will happen, right? What if it never happens? I'm making plans, and think of the million things I will do out there. Will I be the same? Will I engage then in the moment? Or will I be thinking of what's next beforehand? Will I lose more moments, as I'm doing now? As I've always done. Feeling empty, bored, lifeless. Again.
Time is not a quantity. It's a quality. Time can only be experienced in full presence, here and now. Every moment is a gift. I know it. I'm grateful for it. Looks like I have much more time than ever. Do I? Looks like the clock has stopped for me and nothing can happen, if I stay safe at home. But time is passing. Relentless. I am the slave of Time. I am the master of my time.
I can't stop Time. But I can limit my space. What I don't like is when others restrict my space, for good reasons sure. Silent walls all around. This is my shelter, where I love to be back after running wild outdoors. This is my comfort zone, where I've been building all my crazy plans. I need my shelter, my safe area, my cavern. I can stay here for long, days, weeks, months, years, but it's too easy. I am free, limitless and my body and soul want to connect out there. Nature. People.
Because Nature recovers its space when humans limit theirs. Because humans still don't know how to be One with Nature.
I am a wild animal, caged. Because of human activities, the space left for wildlife is every day more limited. Humans call it sanctuaries. Isn't that depressing? I am alive when I connect with Nature, when I see the blue of the sky, the clouds scampering, when the frozen wind hit my face. My world is blue and green. So, I take a deep breath and I go deep inside, in my cavern. I close my eyes. My space is endless, deep. I connect with the Universe. But the millions cells of my body claim for Nature. Human nature. I've never valued so much these minutes of connection with Nature when I go outside. I love to think Nature is recovering its rights. And I love to think Mother Earth is getting better, healing. Because Nature recovers its space when humans limit theirs. Because humans still don't know how to be One with Nature. Or will they learn? I can play with my space, deep inside, wide outside. No limits. But when my space is so limited, what I find is silence.
Silence around me. When time is expanding and space is shrinking, the outcome is silence. I love silence. It inspires me. Will I be able to enjoy the silence or will I need to spend my days in more frenetic activities to compensate? When I can no longer escape Time, Silence becomes stronger. I love to hear the sounds of Nature every morning. I need it. No words, no concepts. I just leave my senses do their job, connecting with the sounds of Nature, in the silence of my mind.
When time is expanding and space is shrinking, the outcome is silence.
I am the slave of Time. I am the slave of my space. My silence is my opportunity to feel, to be in the moment, to engage, here and now. Silence is what I need to create, to imagine, to dream, to get the most of these weeks. I'll be clean, I'll be ready for my next encounter with Nature.
Just the sound of Nature in the silence of my mind. Here and now.